What Motivates Me?

The other day I posted a picture of my fabulously developed ass and legs. I apologize for my new found arrogance but I can’t help but be obsessed with my growing ass. Anyway, one of my friends from college commented on the picture asking if there was any other motivation behind my training aside from doing this for myself. I sat there for about a good minute before I could answer that question. What has been motivating me never really crossed my mind and she really got me thinking.

When I first made the decision to compete it really stemmed from vanity. I wanted to be buff and look good, end of story. However as time went on I discovered a whole new side of myself. But in order for me to get there I had to open up old wounds in order to get to the good place. It was hard, really hard. I felt lonely, psychotic, depressed, the whole world seemed to be against me in my eyes. I had little motivation and my training was not consistent. In working with my sports psychologist I was able to work through these things. These issues are still present and I’m still in the process of healing, however I am in a better place and am learning to reframe my thoughts.

When I was able to get there, which I would honestly say clicked about a month ago, everything changed. I began to love my training and the diet was getting easier. I was pushing myself harder every day in the gym and leaving looking like I just came out of pool. Life seemed brighter and new friendships started developing. All of a sudden I was not alone in this sport; I had teammates!


These girls have made each day a little bit easier. We may not be able to work out with each other because we live in different states; however we have each others back and root each other daily. It’s nice to be able to share the excitement of rice cakes and new random bland recipes with each other. Also, I will actually be competing with Amy & Lauren in August. And even though there is only one first place trophy, there is still a sense of camaraderie and support we have for each other. Honestly, it is just exciting to be on that stage with the bodies we worked so hard for and that is a prize in itself.

Something I started on my own was buying a planner; this thing is my life. I write down inspiration quotes, notes on Buddhism, blog ideas, schedule out all my priorities with this sport…etc. I also keep my gym journal in there. I keep track of my diet and work out plan and when I’m done I write down how I felt. Was this a “first call out” work out or did I not even come close to making the cut? And photo7most importantly, where was my head?  Sometimes my mind is not in it and I need to write down why. I have a section in my journal for when I get the urge to cheat or skip the gym. This usually comes from some source of emotion and getting it out on paper seems to help. Not all the time, but I have a 50/50 change of making it through. This planner, my life, has allowed me to look back and realized how much progress I have made and that keeps me going.

Then there are you. Never in my life did I ever think I would receive the amount of support and love that I get on a daily basis from this blog and my goal itself. There have been days where I wanted to give up because just felt so guilty for my screw ups. I don’t know if it was a coincidence or planned by the universe but someone out there knew it was the right time to send me love. The encouraging messages I’ve gotten keep me going because I know you are rooting me on. I appreciate all the kind words that have been said by new friends, old friends and the people that don’t even know me outside this blog.

At the end of the day I am doing this for myself. I do it because it makes me feel good. Actually, it makes me feel amazing. Every day my love for my training photo3grows stronger, my excitement for the stage becomes overwhelming and I cannot freaking wait to see what the outcome is going to be! I’ve found motivation coming from all areas of my life to keep going and I thank you for being a part of that!

With all my love,

This is about to get ugly up in herre…

I mean duck for covers ugly. Fine, I am being dramatic but I’ve finally made the decision to start posting progress pics. Like taking back to when I first started progress pics. Honestly, this is incredibly difficult to do. The thought of clicking that submit button makes me cringe.  And it isn’t because I don’t like the way my body looked a few months ago but it is what my body represented.  Seeing my pictures remind me of all the emotional and mental abuse I put myself through, the pain I was harboring and the people that let me down. Plus, who wants to share pics of themselves when they feel like they look like a chubby monkey whether that is true or not.    

These pics date back from March when I started with my new coach. Even though I began this journey in January,  I think my mental progress kicked in with her.  Before I go ahead and show this pictures, let me procrastinate just a little more.
There are a couple things I’ve learned in measuring progress; the scale, tape measures and any tools to measure your body fat are toys for the devil.  I had an obsession with the scale for many years and I would hate it for calling me fat.  It practically yelled “FATTY” every time I was near it.  I finally got it wrapped around my head that the scale was not a way to measure my progress. Even though this is something I now know, I would still get trapped in getting pissed when I didn’t see my weight move.  My weight has yet to change by the way. 
Recently I became obsessed with my tape measure. I swear that thing must stretch out every night because according to those numbers nothing had moved.  For a few weeks I got smaller in places that I wanted to see but then it stopped.  You mean to tell me after all this fish and nights of sweating at the gym that my waist didn’t get smaller?  Piece of garbage I tell ya!  I even went as far as to record my measurements on my calendar so I can see the 1/8 of inch change and it drove me absolutely insane. 
Then there was my body fat calculator app on my phone. Great idea, get an app that tells me how much body FAT I have and obsess about that. Brilliant! I’ve never used calipers and I just plugged in my info and let the phone do the work. According to that my body fat slloooooooooowlly went down. It never moved fast enough and knowing I was at about 25% and needed to get to 12 max, but preferably lower, was enough to make me binge on ice cream.  I drove myself insane with these tools and it distracted me from really appreciate the progress I was making and remembering that it is all a work in progress.
I focused so hard on the end result and compared it to what I saw on paper that I felt like my hard work was useless. Yet at the same time my boobs got smaller, my ass was picking up, my body was defining, so why didn’t these measurements confirm what I could see?
Thank goodness for our vein society that selfies are totally in. Pictures have been my best reminder of my progress and have also been my slap in the face when I’ve cheated. Yesterday I took my first ab shot and decided it looked good enough to put on Facebook.  I got such great feedback it made me wonder, “do I really look that different?”  I went ahead and put some pics side by side and was floored that this was my body!  

Seeing the change has finally given me the confidence that I WILL be ready for the stage and I cannot wait to see what my pics will look like a month from now. So kids, I’ve thrown out the devil’s toys and am going to continue to find the strength within in me to do this because this bitch will be buff! 

Without further adieu, here is my progress….


Patience, Grasshopper.

The past couple days have been frustrating only because I want to see certain results.  I’ve been going at this for about 6 weeks now and I feel like I should be looking different than I do.  However, I am working with a new coach, on a different diet, an overall new plan and I actually think this is better than the first and yet I expect to look stage ready…like now.  It is funny how hard we are on ourselves that we don’t celebrate the smaller victories.

Take my arms for example.  They are still measly little arms but in the last month they grew a whole inch. Not only that, I can see my shoulders starting to develop.  I mean, I can only really see my arms shaping up when I move them a certain way, but the point is that wasn’t there before. High five!

Or how about the fact that I’ve been waking up every morning at 5:30 to do my cardio and then come home after work to lift.  At my first check in my coach wanted me to now do two sessions of cardio, one in the morning and the other at night, on top of my weights.  I’m more than half way through with the week and I haven’t thought twice about it. I’d say that’s a victory.

Today at work we had a potluck and everyone brought everything I love. I swear they all got together, figured out my favorite foods and brought it all in to torture me but I didn’t budge. I wanted to and I almost had anxiety over it, but I stayed true to my goals. That is not just a victory, that calls for a celebration!

The fact is as much as I expect more  it doesn’t mean I am not getting results.  It is hard to keep that in mind when I don’t see the muscle I want, but it doesn’t mean it won’t happen in time.  To be great at anything it takes practice and all these little victories are going to add up to the big win and that is what matters.  Persistence, dedication, lots of sweat and maybe some panic attacks will get me closer to my goal as each day passes.
So Kristine, calm the hell down.  You are better than you were yesterday!


My Progress & New Supplements

Two week Progress
Weight was 145lbs/ Now 143″
Body Fat % 26.38/ Now 26.29″
Bicep 9 3/4inch/ Now 10″
Chest 36”/  Now 36 1/4″
Waist 29” / Now 28.5″
Fat Part 34 ¼ / Now 33.5″
Hips 37 ½ / Now 37″
Thigh 21 5/8/  Now 22″

First off my weight fluctuates between 143-144 and today I happen to be at 143.  I don’t really worry too much about my weight because I am adding muscle and losing inches which is becoming visible.  Body fat wise, I am actually not sure how accurate this is. I use an app on my phone to calculate and I never have actually gotten it measured.  In my past post of my measurements my body fat was at 24% and that was my fault. So according to my app that is my current percentage which I am not too excited about because I know I have to cut that in at least half, but I have to keep reminding myself this is a work in progress.  Other than that, I am happy to see my results. It is hard work but with the right coach, plan and supplements, I have faith this will all happen.  **My check in with my coach is in hour so updates on that soon**

So I mentioned before how I am weary of supplements and I may have finally found the one I love…introducing, Isagenix! Isagenix is an all natural supplement company that provides various products for cleansing, weight loss and management and overall health.  Considering the bodybuilding world is jam packed with supplements and ingredients that you cannot pronounce, finding one that even provides a half natural product is hard to find. 

I was introduced to Isagenix about a year ago when I was thinking of doing another cleanse.  I’ve tried different types before, all successful, but I was just looking for something new. I decided to give it a shot and for 9 days I followed their plan. I lost 9lbs of junk, not fat, and I never felt hungry or tired throughout the process and I loved it. Their products were tasty, easy to follow and definitely curb my appetite.

Here I am on my bodybuilding path and supplements are a must.  When I signed up with my Savage team I bought the Isalean shake to supplement one of my 6 meals.  Isagenix was actually encouraged by my coach which is why I went with them to begin with.  That first month went by well and after the first week of transitioning to this diet my energy started to pick up and my skin became brighter and more clear. I figured that was due to the diet and exercise. Eventually my shake ran out and for whatever reason I didn’t buy more. I had a big tub of Whey Protein in my cabinet from when I purchased in January and figured I would finish it off.  I had made the decision to leave savage and find someone else to work with but for 3 weeks I was on my own. 

While I continued my search for a coach, I continued my diet plan and work out regime but slowly I started to feel like shit. My energy was depleting, it was terribly difficult to get up in the morning, I was moody as hell, my carb cravings were through the roof and my clear skin began to look dull, blotchy accessorized with wonderful break out spots.  I didn’t really know what was going on but I continued to push through. I tried a couple different supplements that I wasn’t too crazy about but I figured anything that could help would be fantastic. I really wanted my supplements to be as natural as possible and help me get through the day. 

I kept referring back to the Isagenix Athlete’s Pak and it seemed to have everything I was looking for. The price was a little hard to swallow at first, however if I was going to spend a bunch of money on trying different supplements that I was not to crazy to try in the first place, then I might as well put that all into supplements that I felt good about to begin with. So I went ahead purchased an assload of isagenix products. #happygirl.com

Immediately within the first few days I was feeling energized again, cravings went down and my skin started to clear up. Thank you Jesus! I love my Isagenix! It’s nourishing, balanced and all natural. I can use my Isalean Shakes and Pro bars as a meal replacement if I am in a bind because it has everything I need or I can use my Isalean Pro as my post work out drink.  I am going to write a separate post on the products, how I use them and what I like and don’t like about them. Some of them I’m not too excited about and some I will never do without. But in the meantime if you are looking for something to healthy and natural to add to your weight loss program or just overall health, you can check get more info here or email me.

Today I feel like shit, the kind of shit that happens after a late night run at taco bell.  It is day 4 working on my coach’s plan and it’s not necessarily hard but it certainly isn’t a walk it the park.  My diet is stricter, less carbs; no dairy, MORE chicken…the chicken is tough to handle especially at 10am. That requires a lot of self talk to finish that meal. Overall, the whole diet is not that bad. I guess I am getting use to eating like this.
 I love my work out plan. The new cardio is challenging but keeps my ass sore for days and I can feel my muscles actually working during my weighted exercises.  And I love, love, LOVE my Isagenix supplements. So overall everything is good and I am really taking a loving to the gym.
But I still feel like shit. I’m tired, so tired and my head is throbbing. My neck is stiff as hell which usually happens from stress.  Usually by the time Wednesday comes around I am burnt out and ready to call it a week. I don’t know if I am over training or if I am over working or maybe a combination of both. Trying to keep some mental peace and clarity at my job is difficult at times and fighting to tame my crazy can be quiet exhausting.  But with everything I have been learning and applying through out this experience I am hopeful that this will all come to an end. It is a matter of training brain to make positive changes, not just go through the motions.
On a positive note, while I was working on my biceps last night I noticed veins popping out my hands and fore arms and then this morning my suspicious were visually confirmed – my boobs are getting smaller. YAY for veins and smaller boobies!!

Baby muscles (progress pics)

I’m quite fascinated how this is all playing out for the fact that I feel swollen and chubby, scale hasn’t budged much which isn’t surprising, but I’m noticing minor changes.

First of all my butt is getting a little pop. It’s shaping into more of a peanut m&m rather than just a plain milk chocolate. Yay! I’m still praying for a bigger butt…God, are you out there??

I’ve develop little baby biceps that I noticed when I was doing my hair. Now, I am very much aware that my bicep is hardly a bicep, hence the name “baby bicep”, but considering I use to have string bean arms this major progress.

My waistline seems to be slimming down and you can see my ab muscles poking through my warm layer of fat. It’s funny, when I was putting together my 3 week progress picture I was trying to find my “skinniest fat” picture in fear of what people would think. Then I realized that is defeating the whole purpose of my progress and why I have announced to the world what I am trying to accomplish via this blog, Facebook and Instagram….so fuck it. This is my body and it looks better than most Americans anyway.

I’m also taken aback by the warm and fuzzies I am feeling from the amount of support and encouragement I’ve been getting from people regarding this blog and my fitness efforts. I actually debated on creating this blog and debated admitting my fitness goals because I really expected to get criticized. I have gotten so use to keeping my dreams a secret and it is really sad that I actually expect people to try and make me feel like shit before they back me up. It’s nice to know that not only have supporters from unexpected people but that….well….I’m liked. Good lord, there’s a thought!

Well bitches, here are the first of many progress pics to come.

P.S. can we just talk about how adorable my phone case is? Lovvvvving.