I have a brow to pick with you

I am not really sure when this pet peeve developed, but nothing irritates me more than jacked up eyebrows.  Whether it be on a man or woman, retarded brows can really chap my ass.
                                                                  Pencil Brows

I have to say I am a fan of Megan Good’s beauty (notice I say beauty, not acting).  This girl is stunning. Cheek bones, smile, lips, her eyes… I mean God really put some nice features together.  But good Lord, those eye brows…I hate PENCIL BROWS! I know there are women who don’t have the full brow gene, but that does not mean it is acceptable to look like you took a marker across your face.  I hate  when I look at a women’s face and think to myself  “did she shave all her brow hair and use pencil or is that a tattoo?”  It drives me insane. My old bitch of a boss had the worst pencil brows and they were in a hideous rainbow arch shape. I think her eye brows made me hate her even more. Whore.

The Unruly Brow
These women are actually lucky that they have so much hair to play with it.  I am sure some may see nothing wrong with this, but I cannot stand the hair stragglers.  Jesus Christ, take a small comb and trim the bitches.  You wouldn’t believe the difference it makes when you trim the hair. I do it and when I am done I look like a new woman. Seriously, it makes a differences. So girls if you have fluffy brows, take a brow comb and comb the hair up in their their natural direction. Which ever hair strands are sticking out above your brow shape, CUT IT! The End.

It is 2013 so why are there still unibrows?  Let me tell you something, I love Travis McCoy. I think his edge and “I don’t give a shit” look is quite sexy. I love the tattys, piercings, nappy hair and the “I haven’t showered in 5 days” look on him.  Not everyone can pull this off but it works for him.  I guess you can say he is my brown version of Johnny Depp.  I also met him once at MTV’s New Years Eve party and he touched my arm and oh my god, I almost passed out like a Michael Jackson fan.  Anyway, that’s not the point. He is sexy but the extra hair has got to go.  Just because I find him attractive doesn’t make his eye brows are any less irritating. Wax, thread, pluck, singe them off for all I care, but do something about it.  
Speaking of doing something about….

Overdone Brows
I know some men are genetically “gifted” with lots of eye brow hair and I use the word gifted loosely.  I can really appreciate when a man grooms his face because it shows that he cares and not grooming is never really an option.  I don’t know if it was The Gays that started the trend and the “metros” just jumped on the band wagon, but unless you are trying to go with a feminine look then you need to know when to put down the tweezers.
  1. If your eye brow shape is better than mine, meaning more define and precise, then put the tweezers down.
  2. If you are naturally dark, like the guy above, and after you have done your brows and the skin surrounding your new brow shape is lighter than the rest of your face, then you have gone too far.  Put the tweezers down.
  3. If you have to let your eye brow hair grow out to get it waxed or threaded and the stubbies are clearly visible. Put the damn tweezers down.
  4. There is a reason why those two images feature Hispanic men.  I am not sure what happened to my people, but some where in the process of Americanizing our Hispanic culture we have come across the overly pretty Hispanic men.  So if you are mocha and you do your brows, please take a look in the mirror. Put. The. Tweezers. Down.
Please America, take care of your eyebrows.  They are the first thing people see and the last thing people remember.  Your eye brows shape your look and you will be harshly judged. If you are a masculine man then maintain some masculine eye brows.  If you are a woman with little hair, do your best to make them look natural and if you cannot draw, get a freakin stencil or have someone do it for you. But do not leave your house with permanent angry eye brows or squigglies because it is just not cute. #hotmess.org
Well I feel better now….

New Blog. New Trainer. New Supplements. New Thangs.

I apologize for the mess of my blog right now (as if you are truly devastated) but I am going through some transitions.  I’m trying to make my move from blogger to wordpress and get a snazzy little lay out. Ohhh shit, big things poppin!

So back in February I talked about being a Savage Girl and a few weeks ago I decided to stop working with them.  My coach was good and they help me get started with a better work out and diet plan, but they really were not for me and I should have know going into it.  This team was one of those popular teams and I felt like I needed more attention to get a better understanding with what I wanted to accomplish.

What did solidify my decision to go with Cathy Savage was the fact that they believed in the Isagenix products which are all natural.  I love all natural I have used these products before and really liked them and I don’t know why I ever stopped.  Anyway, I ended it with Savage and have been on my own for about 3 weeks. I continued my training, started educating myself on any thing related to fitness and competitions and kept reading up on different trainers I could work with.

Well I found her…
 IFBB Bikini Pro Jessica Arevalo

Ok, let me just talk about how HUGE of a deal this is for me.  This is like Britney Spears teaching The Gay choreography.  I found her on instagram, amongst other IFBB Pros, when I made my decision to compete.  It might be a little bit of an obsession, but I love seeing their progress, their bikini bods and just seeing what it takes to get where I hope to be.  It’s inspiring and Jessica has always been my Fitness Idol. Now I get to learn from her! Ahhh!

 This is her off prep booty. If my butt can look like that off prep, on prep, on stage, off stage, during the fall, winter, summer or spring…I will be the happiest little girl ever. I may even thank God for that!  If you want to see more of my coach here is her instagram.
Quick Supplement Talk: I am going back to Isagenix.  I just bought my 30 day Energy & Performance Pack.  I don’t know how I will like it but I will keep you posted.

What I do – Supplement talk

Anytime my training comes up in conversation someone always asks me about what I eat or what my work outs look like or just what “i do” in general to prepare for this. I’m still at the beginning stages of my prep but right now my life is about the gym, diet and supplements, which I don’t anticipate changing any time soon, but I will get to add tanning products, clear heels and expensive bathing suits to the list really soon!

Considering that the diet and work out is time consuming and definitely not easy, finding the right supplements has actually been my biggest struggle. Here is my thing – I hate medication. I hate anything that makes my body do stuff it doesn’t do by its self. I am a firm believer that if you take care of yourself, I mean really take care of yourself, your body will do what it needs to do and you won’t have to pop an Advil every time you have a headache. So taking pills to aid in my fat loss and muscle growth is a bit controversial for me. The reality of the situation is many athletes use these supplements to get their edge and if I want to look the best with the best then I have to figure something out. With that said I have not tried to many as I am easing into this idea.

**This post is not going to be set up the way I want with the pictures because I am on my stupid iPad (laptop has a virus) and I am limited on what I can do so I apologize for the hideous layout. #spoiledgirlproblems

BCAA – are the building blocks of protein and are suppose to preserve the muscle mass and help with muscle recovery. These supplements are highly recommended for anyone who is doing a lot of heavy lifting and fasted cardio. A lot of people say they notice a difference with BCAA and they can feel their muscles hardening or some bullshit. Lets be honest, I’m taking them because they are recommended. I have never tried to add muscle to my body so I don’t really know how they would feel like or how they would develop without this. All I can say is that I do noticed muscles in places I have never seen before. So lets just say that these pills are helping. Some people take them at different times of the day for various reason I am sure but I take two capsules before and after my work out.

Whey protein – blah blah blah, we all know about protein drinks. I still have yet to find “the best” whey supplement and the best tasting one. They all taste like shit, the end. Doesn’t matter the brand or the flavor, it’s disgusting. It would be fantastic with milk, but unfortunately water is my mixer. The only way I can enjoy my shake is if it is ice cold and using a straw. I’m hoping I will stumble across a delicious protein shake or maybe just burn off my taste buds in a cooking accident. I’ll keep you updated.

Fat Burners – here is where I get uncomfortable but I finally gave in. I follow a couple of blogs, instagrams and face books of some of my favorite pro bikini athletes and aspiring pros. Obviously some of them are sponsored but some of them aren’t. One of my “idols” kept referring to the Cellucor HD fat burner and being a fan of her “work” I finally said, “fuck it, lets try this shit.” I have to say as much as I don’t like these things, it definitely does its job. My energy level went through the roof, my work outs are focus and more intense and I’ve never seen my weight drop so fast in a short amount if time. I already lost another pound and a half since Monday. This pill is quite impressive and I did turn into a Cellucor pusher at work.

But being that this is packed with caffeine and other stimulants I cannot pronounce, I definitely noticed some uncomfortable symptoms. The first two days I literally felt so hyper. I wanted to do everything really, really fast. I even think my eyes were bugging out of my head. However, with that energy came extreme focus and I felt so productive all day. I swear that pill was adderall laced with cocaine. I did not feel shaky at all but my first lifting session didn’t go well because I got a stomach ache. The minute I started my work out, I was out of breath, my heart was racing and it created this nauseous gassy stomach ache. The ones where you feel like you are going to throw up but your just have nasty loud burp built up. I swear it wasn’t farty gas. I have no shame so I would tell you it was. The energy did not effect my sleep in any way and I slept like a baby, woke up feeling amazing and was ready for my fasted cardio. That first cardio sesh was tough though. I had to ease into it longer than usual, because again, my heart was racing, out of breath and I could feel my circulation moving through my feet like a roller coaster. After I warmed up for a little bit longer then I was good to go. The noticeable extra energy last a couple days and my body got use to it and now I feel normal. I was on it for about two weeks when I decided to up the dosage and test my tolerance. No,no, no big mistake! I should have known since I really don’t drink a lot of coffee and this time I was extremely shaky, out of breath, hot flashes galore and the burpy stomach aches came back but worse. I’m pretty sure I lost a pound the next day from my upped dosage but I will stick to my one capsule for now. To be honest, I don’t really know if I am going to continue taking fat burners. I may just finish off this bottle until I find something that I 100% believe in. I think I may have found something but we will save that for another post.

So there is my take on supplements. Diet and work out to come…


Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…

I finally got my NPC card today in the mail and for those that don’t know what that is, it’s my ticket into competing. In order for me to compete in a National Physique Committee competition, I need to register with the organization which is good for a year until I have to renew. I thought when receiving my card I would feel tons of excitement because now I can make it official and register for my event.

I actually got scared.

I didn’t get scared because “oh shit, I have to lose like half my body fat and get on stage in the smallest bikini ever.” I didn’t get scared over the thought of failing. Shit, thats nothing. I’ve failed plenty of times and I got that shit down. Don’t believe me? Take a day off from work and let’s talk about all the men I actually gave a chance. Haha, but really, I actually got scared because….well, what if I succeed?

I’ve never wanted anything so badly for myself and when I look back at all my accomplishments, which there are many that I am proud of, none of them where done 100% for me. I’m not competing to make my parents proud or to be a good role model for my sister. This isn’t about being cool with my friends or being considered an acceptable 26 year old woman in society. This is about me, 100% me…Kristine.

I know I am a fighter, I know I am strong and courageous but my character has never been tested from a driving force of a pure dream that I stand alone on. And quite frankly, finding out what I am actually capable of is terrifying. My greatest potential is about to smack me in the face and I hope I know what to do with it.


Competition date change & my progress

I came to a semi conscious decision to push my first competition back to August. My sister would say this this decision was made in a time of an intervention, I would say…..she was probably right. My friends and I started this biweekly dinner and a movie thing. It’s where we pick a movie that is set in another country and cook a themed dinner related to it. It is a pretty brilliant idea and considering my good friend is a chef there isn’t anything that she makes or teaches us to make that tastes less than amazing. Unless if it is a fruit tart but in that case it is Rachel Ray’s fault. Stupid orange zest.

As I was stuffing my face with the best homemade bread I have ever tasted it became pretty clear to everyone that June 8th was no longer an option. I wanted to believe that June 8th was still an option in my head, but realistically I wasn’t even planning on it. You can’t make that kind of plan with fantastic home made bread in hand so don’t judge me, it happened. With that said my new competition date is August 10th for the NPC Muscle Beach Championship in West Long Branch, NJ.

I’ve hinted at the thought of pushing my date back and I am glad I finally did. This whole thing is developing into an incredible journey and working with my sports psychologist has been the best decision I’ve made so far. We are working on a lot of great things that is going to help me get to my goal. I never thought in a million years I would be this excited for such a huge mental and physical challenge.

I know I haven’t posted any progress pics but that isn’t to say my body isn’t changing, it most certainly is. Unfortunately the progress pics I do have that I CAN post, don’t show a major difference. And the pictures that do show a major difference, I can’t show you. Not because I am trying to save my “fat” pictures for myself, but because I am sure daddy doesn’t want to see a picture of his daughters ass in a thong. That’s right y’all, the booty is forming! Granted my ass is small and it will always be but it’s more on the rounder plumpy side. Loving it! Now, I may not have pictures to share but I do have some numbers to throw at ya.

I got serious with a trainer at the end of February and I didn’t really take exact measurements until march 10th, so these numbers are from a 2 week difference. (I don’t know the proper term for the lower abdominal section where we women hold our little fat creating that “pooch” but I will refer to it as my “fat part”, FYI)

Weight was 149lbs / Weight is 145lbs
Body fat % was 24.72 / Body fat % is 24.66
Bicep was 9 1/2inches / Bicep is 9 3/4inches
Chest was 37″ / Chest is 36″
Waist was 30″ / Waist is 29″
Fat Part was 34 3/4″ / Fat part is 34 1/4
Hips was 37 3/4″ / Hips are 37 1/2″
Thigh was 21 1/4″ / Thigh is 21 5/8″

There you have it kids – my measurements. I have a lot of work to do but I am making progress. Each week I am getting stronger mentally and physically and I cannot wait to step on stage for the first time. I am still waiting to get my NPC card, which should be here any day now, once I do I will be able to register for my comp. oh snap!


The world of online dating

Yes, believe it or not I had a short stint of online dating. Hey, hey, hey before you judge me hear me out. The first time (yes, the first time) I had just moved to Arizona. They say you meet your significant other either at work or at school. Well I graduated college and I worked at a ballroom dance studio. Do I need to elaborate? The other option is through friends…my closet friend was gay. I basically set myself for an unlimited supply of girlfriends and gay affection. So I decided to sign up and see what was out there. I never actually spoke to anyone at that time because I really hadn’t decided how I felt about online dating at that point.

Then less than a year ago I decided to give it real try. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of two years and I was ready to go buck wild. I did go on a couple dates and they were usually fine. Nothing crazy or creepy. Well, remember my “beauty and the cop” post? That was my last online date as I am sure you understand why, but that was as weird as it got for me. I kind of figured if all else failed I would have some great stories to share. I really wasn’t looking for anything serious, I just wanted to get dressed up and be wooed. I do have say as fun as online dating can be, it is definitely exhausting; certainly not for the weary.

When you first sign up you starting receiving a mind blowing amount of emails. For a second you think you have hit the jack pot until you open up these messages and you see, “hey.” There is nothing more frustrating than a man who opens up the conversation with one word. Like really, what am I suppose to do with that? One time I responded with a smart ass “hi.” and I got a “what’s up?” Delete.

If you are lucky enough to receive more than a “hey”, you are probably getting something like “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I wish I was making this up. One time I got a message that said, “wanna fuck” and his only pic was of his body in boxers. My response, “sorry, your legs are too skinny.” I would have declined his invitation regardless the size of his legs but they really were too skinny. Friends don’t let friends skip leg day folks. He eventually responded back with “wow. No wonder why you are single.” Uh huh, yep. Clearly my pickiness for leg size is the reason why I cannot get a man. Delete.

Every once and a while you come across a message that is actually enticing. But then you check out their profile and they are 45 and live in Alaska. What the hell am I going to do with that? Delete.

Personal favorite – open the message and decide you aren’t interested. The next day you receive a message that says, “what am I ugly?” Really sir? Have some self respect! Where is your dignity? If I don’t reply it is because I am not interested, get over it. Not only did I find you ugly but now you are ugly AND annoying. Delete.

When it comes to online dating, people seem to think they can get away with lying about their physical appearance. Unless if you intend on dating the blind this is not going to work. So men let me make this clear….5’11 and 6ft are not one in the same. You might be able to fool a midget but you cannot fool a 5’8″ woman who loves her 5inch heels. I’ve learned that a man who is between the height if 5’8″ and 5’11” seem to think they can get away with rounding up. Guys, we may be a lot of things but stupid isn’t one of them. I learned to go into a date expecting the shortest.

This round of online dating lasted about 6 weeks before I got burnt out. I was over trying force conversation with these idiots who had elephantiasis of the balls sitting behind a computer screen. I am sure this works for many and maybe one day it may for me, but I really hope I won’t have to resort to this again.

…But I must say I have been tempted to join blacksinglesmeet.com

Hey, you never know!


Gym Pet Peeves

Granted I am still a gym newbie but I am pretty experienced with getting irritated with strangers. As I get more comfortable with my gym routine I get more irritated at the sight of the muscular beef cakes and here is why:

1. This is not social hour. If you want to talk about the latest supplement or how 2+2 = 5, that’s fine. Do it in the locker room showers or when you are taking a neighborly shit. Don’t do it in front of the machines when people want to use them. It’s rude and it makes your work out longer than it needs to be, therefore making my work out longer than it needs to be. Get out of the damn way.

2. The mirrors are there to check out your form not to see how big your pores are. You men seem to stand incredibly close to the mirror blocking up my entrance to the free weights. Jesus, back the fuck up man. Is it really necessary to stand a foot away from the mirror? Are you that blind that you can’t see your 8lb bicep bulging? Like come on….

3. The performance is for the stage not the gym. What is with the extremely loud grunts? Is there a direct correlation with how loud you yell to how big your muscles can get? I get the ugly facial expressions and the occasional noises, but if I can hear you in the cardio section over my blasting music then it’s too much. Stop being obnoxious. Nobody likes you.

4. Along with being obnoxious vocally, why are you slamming your weights? Again, I am new at all of this but I am pretty sure they teach you in PE that slamming your weights is inappropriate. And if you can’t control your rep it is probably too heavy. Am I right or am I right? Even if I’m wrong, I shouldn’t be feeling the ground shake every other second. Calm it down good sir. And oh my god, if I am doing crunches on the floor and you decide to stand next to me to curl 1000lbs, don’t freaking drop your weight next to my head. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you throwing the weights on the floor to begin with? This does not make your work out intense, this doesn’t equate to “beast mode” and you almost ruined my pretty face let alone smashed in my brain! Where is your common sense?

5. I am here with a purpose and it is not to talk to you. Ok let’s get something straight, I am never opposed to meeting a man especially a good looking one. That’s like saying I enjoy turning down an invitation to an all you can eat buffet. But I am here on a mission and my routine doesn’t include chatting it up with your sweaty ass. It’s late, I’m tired, I just want to get in, get out, go home and go to bed so that I can wake up at 5 and do it all over again. I don’t have time to talk to you and if you make my rest longer than 1 minute I’m going to be pissed. This fat ain’t gonna burn itself. And it’s cute that you want to give me “tips”, but judging by the size of your chicken legs, you skip leg day…a lot…so I am not interested in your advice. The gym has become therapeutic so stop fuckin with my Chi.

When I first signed up for the gym I thought, “I hope there is good eye candy so I could shop while I get my sexy in.” Eye candy, schmeye candy…they are even annoying in the buff.